There’s a lull in the office, and I’m on break, so I’m writing a little update. I made it through the week of depression, and things are starting to perk up a bit. I’ve learned quite well that a few good days does not mean the struggle is all over, but I am very happy with the overall steady improvement in W. I know the shift to spring helps a lot; and the bit of a lift in financial pressure helps too. But overall I think he’s finally beginning to heal instead of just be in crisis mode, and that is wonderful.
W is still struggling with sleep a bit. He also adjusted meds on his own 2 weekends ago when he started feeling manic, and I ‘expressed my concern’ with that, telling him he really needs to talk with the psychiatrist before taking himself off anything (grrrr…he really should know that by now). In response, he started struggling with sleep. He has since put himself back on that med, and now is snoring away quite well through the night. We have an appointment next week with the pdoc, so we’ll see what he suggests.
One thing I continue to struggle with and try and learn is that W is in control of his decisions, and even if they are poor, I cannot debate him into a right way of thinking. I can suggest, but it’s a difficult balance to do so without sounding controlling or preachy. He continues to be pretty stationary most of the time, and when he struggles with sleep, he eats junk food. I KNOW he would sleep better if he began a daily exercise routine, but as of now, he has not taken any steps towards that. Rather then draw up a plan for him, I occasionally encourage him to start walking. I have so much on my plate, and he is aware enough, that I am not going to ‘mother’ him into being more healthy. I hope that’s not unloving of me, but I think I would just get resentful, because I feel he is perfectly capable of doing this on his own.
As for me, I’ve been struggling with a lot of fatigue this past week. I fear the daily commute of 1.5 hours round trip is starting to wear on me, but I have no solution right now. I just keep on, and pray for strength, and know that when it’s time for change, it will happen. I have been into my art more, which is a big step for me!! It makes me so joyful when I do it, yet I fight a lot of resistance in my own mind and in my life situation, so any move towards creativity, I try to celebrate 🙂