January Update

To all my faithful followers, I apologize for my absence (and for those who know me personally, I also apologize for my lack of reaching out). It has been yet another time of transition, but overall it has been positive. Of course, any transition time takes much energy.

I have thought a bit about this blog, and I want to try to keep it from becoming a rant about all the negative effects of bp. Although quite therapeutic at the time, in hindsite I see that I get very caught up in the emotions and frustrations and probably dump a bit too much. I also realized that I had to go through my own mourning period, and needed to have a place to rant and rave and wonder what just happened, and why isn’t it ending… But I hope that I’m finally getting to the stage where I find acceptance. Or, at least, ‘ok, this isn’t ending anytime soon, but heck, life really could be worse!’

We have moved out of the in-laws’ place, and into a small rental house. We couldn’t have asked for a better place considering our meager budget.  The size is small but comfortable, with each kid having their own room. We are close to good friends, C’s sitter, and have (a very small) lake view. There is not much extra space, so we have been forced to sort and purge, and that really is not a bad thing. W is handling it very well, and his spirits have lifted. It’s like watching a wilted plant slowly start to straighten up again, and it is beautiful.

The newest pdoc is slowly starting to back W off some meds, with the concern being possible long term damage due to being on so many different meds at once. The meds provided enough help to keep him from going into the hospital again, but I’m happy in the current plan of reducing the number. I’ve found an excellent resource online for medicine assistance, and that has helped with my anxiety concerning our current lack of health insurance.

About 3 weeks ago we both received lengthy questionnaires to fill out to help determine his eligibility for disability. I initially applied in October, and we continue to wait and wonder if he will be approved.

For now we continue to unpack and settle into this new routine. W has talked about maybe getting part time work soon, so we’ll see. Right now I think just having our own place, and getting into a family rhythm again, is nice. There’s always this little voice telling me to not get too comfortable….that W could get sick just as quick as before…but that voice isn’t too loud, and I acknowledge it and then keep going, because what else can you do?

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