November Update

Hi faithful readers!  I suppose it’s good that I haven’t been on here too much lately. Nothing dramatic has happened, at least in the realm of W’s BP, and for that I am very thankful. We continue to mend, as I like to think of it. W continues with weekly sessions with his counselor, and it seems to be helping him adjust better to his diagnosis. He’s been playful with the kids more. Mornings are still difficult for him, but once he gets going, he does well. We actually went out together for the evening last week, and I enjoyed his company the whole time! We talked and joked and it felt like old times a bit again.  He has been much more empathetic and considerate lately, which is such a pleasure to see. Instead of thinking about if leaving would be best, I’m now starting to feel thankful I’ve stuck it out this far to be able to see my old W start to emerge again.

I continue to plug away at work, just completing my 6th week there. AS it would go, on Friday on my way home, I cracked a tooth. This tooth had a root canal done previously, and we were waiting until Jan. to get the cap put on. So now I will need work done asap. Monday I find out whether the tooth is salvageable..  And that’s the way it seems to go. Things start looking up, and then another thing happens. I just paid a bill off, and a newer, bigger one comes in. I know that’s life, and I’m thankful that for right now, we can afford to make at least the monthly payments on everything. But it doesn’t help the weary feeling I seem to drag around and can’t shake.
Tonight I wound up driving up past our old stomping grounds; the places we lived and worked about 5 years ago, before our initial out of state move that would eventually bring us full circle. I just felt such sadness. Like, 5 years have gone, and I feel like although we’ve gotten a good diagnosis on W, are we really better off? We had such hope and excitement then; now I feel like an old woman sometimes. A broken tooth…really? 2 root canals? Driving just 5 over the speed limit?? I see my peers at the peak of their professions, and wonder how we got to this point, living with parents, with a bedraggled frame of mind and not the least idea what goals are even remotely possible in the next 6 months, let alone 2-3 years.  If we can just sell our house I’ll feel like we accomplished something major. Out life has just felt like a series of holding patterns and emergency maneuvers. My goal is to get into a flight plan that smoothly runs forward for a bit. How on earth I’ll acheive that…I think it can only be done divinly at this point, because the gas tank is still quite low.

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