Those of you who may have walked with me a bit through my journey concerning my mom may know the significance of rainbows. Basically, when I was at a weak point in my issues and decisions with her, I would see a rainbow, and it would be like God giving me a hug and telling me to press on. Before we moved to where we are now, I saw 7 rainbows in the span of 1.5 years, after I initiated low contact with her. It was amazing.
Yesterday I saw the biggest full rainbow that spanned across the sky into my neighbors field. I have not seen a full sky rainbow in many years; they have only been pieces of rainbows. I saw this rainbow after I made a decision concerning my mom and her letters. The decision felt contrary to how I initially wanted to handle the situation, but I did it anyway, and I felt a peace, especially after seeing this beautiful rainbow.
I’m not sure how she will view my actions, but in my heart and mind, I’ve forgiven her, let her go and given her to God (really truly this time!). I took the step and decided to stop trying to reason with her and defend myself and convince her that I’m a good person who loves her. If she can’t see me for who I am, nothing I say will change that.
There will always be sadness there, and I will always pray for reconciliation, but for now I can let it go and focus on my husband and my kids.