The ‘Black Hole’

Sometimes, when I talk to W about heavy issues, it seems my words get sucked into a ‘black hole’. He seems to be listening, and will offer some vague encouraging words, but when he goes to say something that would seem to be insightful, he goes completely off tangent. It’s like his bp won’t allow him to process anything that is too emotional. I tell myself it’s a protective measure, that it prevents him from taking on too much, but it is hard for me to open up then have it fall flat.

Today I received a ‘poison pen’ letter from my mom. It’s the second one in 6 months, and was completely unexpected. She is a very bitter woman, and our relationship, at this point, seems irreparable. W was already suffering from depressed thoughts today, but he wanted to read the letter nonetheless. I should have said no, but I was so hurt and in the moment that I let him.

After I had time to calm down, take a walk, and pray, I discussed with him my strategy with dealing with the letter. Tears were shed. He listened, and patted my arm. He was quiet for a few moments. I asked what he was thinking about..he said the ice fortress in a 007 movie. I asked what insight that had into my situation, and he replied ‘none’.

Whoosh! Into the black hole.

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One comment on “The ‘Black Hole’

  1. Rachel Bush says:

    K,
    I am so sorry you have to go through this. I am so glad I got to come for a visit because it allowed me to get to know you better and to serve you. I am truly impressed with your maturity and relationship with the Lord. We are very lucky to have you as a sister-in-law. i can’t imagine someone else as my brother’s wife. You do a good job in an impossible situation. All of that said, whatever you decide to do or whatever happens, I love you and I support you. I know I am not there, but I am sending you hugs. I am so sorry about your mom. She clearly is wrapped up in her self and is not able to see you for who you have become and what you need. I am, have been and will be praying for you.

    Love,
    R

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